When God is Your Husband

Can I get personal with you? Like, really vulnerable?….My marriage almost ended a couple years ago. It was so close to ending, I’m sure satan was dancing with glee at the thought of his plan working.

Between life, sin, infertility, child loss, T1D, and a little bit of faith there was a family barely holding on. A threshold for sin to saturate. A wife letting her emotions rule her household. Children stuck in a game of war that they never asked to be in. And God, trying to help us see Him.

Life began to spiral out of control a few years ago, but I held on to my vision of being OK for as long as I could. But then the bubble burst, and I was left sitting there in a pile of clothes and sheetrock, crying out for help from a God I didn’t think knew I existed.

With my heart in pieces and my marriage in shambles, I laid on my bed empty searching my Bible for anything to make me feel whole again. And there it was, in the book of Hosea. I had never felt so connected to a book of the Bible before. He understood my pain. He had stood in the ruins of a marriage too. And God had responded to Hosea just as He had responded to me. “Go, show love to your wife again,….Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods…” Hosea 3:1

It was in this book that God put my heart back together and taught me the truth of marriage. Hosea 2:16 was the key verse that taught me.

This verse gave me so much hope! I learned how to accept the love of God in the place of the love of a husband. I allowed God to work on me and re-define marriage for me using His definition, instead of the world’s. He completely flipped my views upside down! I learned that my husband isn’t supposed to fulfill me or complete me. God is!

Thats why so many marriages fail! We go into marriage placing our spouse on the pedestal that God is supposed to be on. No wonder there is strife and bitterness! Only God can fill the emptiness in our heart. No other human alive can carry that weight for to long.

Through that season of sacrifice and pruning, God restored my marriage and I learned what true love really is. This eventually led to my husband accepting the free gift of salvation!  It was a wonderful ending to a very stormy season.

If you are in a stormy season in your marriage, let my testimony give you a hope for the future! God is the restorer of marriages. He heals the broken hearted. He is the miracle worker. He can and will restore what the locusts has eaten, if you are willing to let Him.

Please reach out for prayer or encouragement if you are struggling now. I’d love to pray for you!

EOW 5/24/2020

Most people in my area know who I am. But for those of you not from around here, my name is Stephanie Smith. I started this blog about 3 years ago and was beginning to get pretty consistent with my posting, until that fateful day. I’ll explain that a little further down, but I’ve been off of here for over a year now. God spoke into my heart to begin writing again just recently. I love to write! Writing comes easier to me than even speaking. So, here is the story of the most terrible week of my life, to catch you up to speed.

My brother was a state trooper who died from injuries sustained while on duty, and its been a heavy heart ache since then…

George was a stubborn, goal oriented man. Every goal he set, he conquered. He planned out his path and then worked with everything in him to achieve it. From joining the Marines at the age of eightteen, to becoming a cop in a small town, all the way to becoming a state trooper! He was my hero.

From the moment we heard of George’s accident, we prayed hard for a miraculous healing. I gathered my trusted prayer warriors and we stormed the gates of Heaven all day, every day. I laid hands and prayed over him, I laid hands on his wife and prayed strength and comfort over her, then I would go to my spiritual leaders and let them lay hands on me. There was such a huge move of God during that time!

I had such a huge hope and expectation that George would get out of that bed, that I would almost laugh at the doctors telling us that there was no hope. I was so expectant, that I sat by his bedside an entire day, waiting for him to wake up and look at me. I knew he would not only wake up, he would walk out of the hospital, broken bones restored! It was deeply embedded in me. My faith soared!

Everyday, the news grew worse and worse. From there is no hope, to second and third doctors telling us the same thing. Before my brother had even passed, I got on social media to be bombarded with ‘RIP” posts made about him. This is how dire the situation had become. But God is always up to something good. Even when our circumstances are bad.

You see, my brothers injuries were only in his brain, brain stem and ankle. He had led an outstanding life and remained healthy. He was a prime organ donor. Even able to donate two perfect lungs! (which doesn’t happen often) so we made the hard decision to set him up for organ donation. He had donated his life already to keeping people safe, might as well keep that going even in death.

My brother’s story doesn’t end in death though, it ends in life. He was able to directly save lives! On the day of our deep mourning and grief, others were celebrating answered prayers. We may have not received our miracle, but God revealed to me that many others had. And if this sacrifice brings even one life to Christ, it is all worth it.

We praised God for those saved lives at George’s funeral. We prayed, praised, and gave God all the glory. We cried, laughed, and buried a piece of each of us that day. George left behind a wife, a daughter, a mother, a father, two sisters, and many friends and family. The community drew closer together as they lined the streets for the funeral procession. Waving flags and signs with his name and call number on it. His military family drove from all over the country to pay their respects as well. It was such a beautiful and humbling experience.

I was ok for a while after the accident. It wasn’t until everything calmed down that I began to feel the intense hurt. Then I shut it down with anything I could. Distractions and busyness. Until God called me to attention. I spent an entire year working on my relationship with Him. And now He has encouraged me to begin writing again. I’m so excited to see where He leads me!

The Battle of Loneliness

Lately I’ve been strugglng with loneliness. Not actually being alone, just feeling alone. I have people that would come sit with me and bring us dinners to help out. I have friends that would drop everything and come see me if I asked. I have a mother that would literally move in with me to help out. And yet, I still feel alone.

I’m surrounded by children and animals and my husband. I actually get touched out by bedtime still. And yet, I still feel alone.

I have a true church family that is willing to get in the muck and dirt of my life with me. Who have survived all of our battles with us. Who will fall on their knees with just a look of sadness from me. That has proven their loyalty and love to me. They surround us and fight with us. And yet, I still feel alone.

Spiritual warfare isn’t a fair fight. It spikes its ugly head at the worst possible moments. It speaks lies into your mind and anxiety into your heart. It puts you in a dark place where you find it hard to breathe or find peace. It surrounds you and tries to drown you.

But God. He stands in the precipice of darkness and victory. He holds His hand out, beckoning for you to grab hold of Him. To let Him be your knight in shining armor. To allow Him the chance to swoop in and save the day. All you have to do is cling to his shoulders while He fights off the demons and lies. Just hold on to Him while He speaks His truths into our ears to drown out the cries of the enemy.

Loneliness is an attempt of the enemy to get you weak so he can torment you. My loneliness allowed that for a bit. But over the loudness of the enemy, I could still hear the whisper of my God. He would tell me what to do to fight back. My flesh cried for me to go back to old habits and ways. To remember the days in Egypt when things were “normal and comfortable”. When I lived in the lie of the world. It wasn’t even for me to go back to doing bad things. Just to familiarize myself to people from my past, which I know leads to old ways.

But God’s whisper is easier to want than the screams of the enemy and my flesh. I’ve been down the wrong road enough to know that while I may crave it, it leads to death. But God leads to peace and fullness and love.

The whispers of God led me to His Throne Room. To prayer. To meditation on His word. To Him. To a place where I could crawl up in my Father’s lap and find comfort there. My faith doesn’t rest on my feelings of loneliness. And while this feeling may continue, I know the truth. I am never alone. I have scripture to back this truth up. I may wake up tomorrow still free falling in this feeling of loneliness, but I know my God is right here with me. Even when I don’t feel it, I know it. Even when I can’t see it, I know it. His love endures forever.

My feelings do not control my faith. So I will wake up and face the day with God’s truth. I will take on the day with God as my shield. I will conquer the day no matter how I am feeling because I know who holds my hand.

God Bless

Grace Revival Homestead