My son Wyatt is 8 and he is winning at life with T1D. He conquers every single day like a champion! His math skills are exceptional (better than mine!) thanks to carb counting and correction factors, his faith in God is unshakeable, and his prayer life is out of this world. He knows the power of healing prayer and the power of walking out your personal testimony, no matter the cost, for the glory of God.

When you live with T1D, there is only one thing that is certain, and that is that every single day will be different. What you do one day that worked, will definitely not work the next day. What you ate that day that kept your blood sugar in a good zone, will make you sky rocket tomorrow. Day after day of shots, checks, and corrections lead to burn outs quickly, well for me. He excels in taking every day as a grain of salt. He amazes me! So now, after waiting long enough for his nerves to calm down, he has requested an insulin pump….. (insert anxiety here).

Now don’t get me wrong, I wanted an insulin pump. I’ve researched for the best one for his age, checked all the reviews, asked his diabetic educator her opinions, visited the doctor with questions, and asked my own “diabetic family” their advice. But ultimately, it is his decision. I leave all of these BIG changes up to him because in the long run, he is the one that has to live with and learn to love these devices. However, now that he is ready and his insulin pump has arrived via FedEx, I’m hesitant to schedule the training. Not because of any fixable reason, just because of fear of change. Again. Every time we get adjusted to the new of diabetes, a new ball is thrown into the juggling match that I have to master. It’s overwhelming and stressful and just plain out scary. Right after his diagnosis I left the hospital with the mindset of “Once I get home and do it myself, I’ll be good to go.” And technically that is true; I’m excellent at rolling with the punches.

CONTINUOUS GLUCOSE MONITOR

When we got the new CGM (Continuous glucose monitor) I was all on board for that. It is an amazing device that checks his sugar every 5 minutes 24 hours a day. But let me tell you the shock of seeing how food and drinks mess with a body that has a pancreas that doesn’t produce insulin. It’s insane! I stayed in a panic for at least two weeks. The alarm blared every 5 minutes every night for the first week! It was terrible. What I thought would make diabetes easier, made my life incredibly difficult and I was heart broken. Now a days, its easier, but not by a lot. The alarm haunts my sleep most nights. The roller coaster on the screen of the CGM reader makes me unforgettably aware that I am unfit to replace an organ that God made perfect for a body.

So now I am at a cross roads of going to finalize this insulin pump set up, or to just keep going with the multiple injections every day. While I know I will eventually get brave and take Wyatt to his training, I think I’ll sit here in the comfort of our “normal” for a little while longer. Until I gather all of my courage and face this newest change, I’ll hold my strong little man a little while longer and pray with him. Pray for strength, courage, and perseverance for me. Pray for painless injections, normal sugar readings, and a steady faith in God for him.

With All of God’s Blessings,

Stephanie Smith