I originally started this blog to give you an insight to my blended family covered in God’s grace. Then, disaster struck and everything came to a crashing halt. So here I am again, trying to start fresh in this newest season of life. So to start off, here is the back story:
When the Wave Crashes
On December 4th of last year, we got the crushing news that our unborn daughter’s heart had stopped beating. After about 5 hours of medically started labor, she was born at 9pm and laid to rest a few days later. Our hearts were broken and our faith shaken. BUT God….He always rescues us. Even when we have to walk in the fire, He stands beside us in it. He spoke to my heart every single day. Comforting my heart, giving me room to be angry at Him, pouring out His love on my family through many people in our community and church. There was an outpouring of grace and mercy from everyone He sent to us.
After Shock
Fast forward 4 months, our family still healing from the loss of a daughter, sister, and so many lost future memories; our son got sick during lunch one day. Not the normal sick, but the kind of sick that turns your skin yellow and makes a hole form in a mother’s stomach. I’m normally a very calm, at home, natural healing momma. But something about the way my little man was looking shocked me to my very core. So off to the emergency room we went. There, in a cold sterile hospital room, we heard the diagnosis of Type One Diabetes for the very first time. Honestly, it was the very first time I had heard of that disease period. From that moment on, our life was turned upside down. There was so much to learn, so much to absorb, and so much was riding on me becoming an expert overnight in this disease. One mistake and it could cost my child his very life. T1D is an overwhelming disease, but we refuse to let it define us. My son is the most amazing little boy. He took his diagnosis so much better than I did. I would lay next to him in bed and cry myself to sleep for nights on end, so scared that if I slept, he would be gone in an instant. But not him. He played, he took his shots, he tested his sugar all without complaint. He calmed my anxieties and Jesus healed my broken heart and shattered faith. So, just as the story goes, we kept marching, and healing, and standing on the promises of God.
Built On The Rock…Maybe
I wish I could say that through all of those speed bumps of life, that my faith stayed strong and my beliefs undeterred. But, I cant. I struggled with a lot. I argued with God, I almost slipped back into my old sinful habits, I wondered if God really cared for me and my children, and I feared that He was allowing the devil to take out my family one by one. There was so much fear and frustration. So many tears and a whole lot of bitterness. But God never let go of me. He embraced me with the grace to feel all of my emotions. He spoke kindly to me and expressed His love to me daily. He sent people to minister to me and to pray over my family and I. God’s presence in my life never faltered and He never let up. He poured out all of His spirit on me until I could no longer allow my doubts to overshadow His promises. That’s the God I serve with faith and trust now. I can look back and see the growth of the past year all over my children and my marriage.
So, if you want some insight into T1D, homeschooling, life after loss, breaking chains to addictions, and faith after unbelief, come back next time to check out more of these posts. I plan to pour out God’s word in my blog and hopefully give helpful advice to anyone who needs or wants any! I’ve walked through the fire (more than what’s written in this post) and I’ve come out on the other side stronger and more transparent than ever before. Lets take on this life together!
With All of God’s Blessings,
Stephanie Smith
Seasons of Grace 