“I Wish I Never Got Diabetes”

Says my son. I hear this statement most days of the week. Sometimes multiple times a day. It breaks my momma heart, even though I do agree with him. I also wish he had never gotten diabetes, however I refuse to let any of us walk around with a victim mentality. So I turn it around with positivity and an extra low carb snack to ease his pain. He is beginning to be burned out with this season of life, and I don’t blame him. It’s just plain hard.

One day Wyatt asked me why he had gotten diabetes and why God hasn’t healed him yet. Talk about a hit in an already sore spot in my heart. I had asked God these exact questions already. Sometimes in frustration, sometimes just with a sheer curiosity that is common with us humans. But God had never given me an answer…..so i sighed, took a deep breath, said a silent prayer for God to speak through me to my sensitive child then spoke what came to my heart. It was in that instant that God answered my prayer through me. He spoke to my son’s tender heart and it warmed mine right up. Its reminded me that God never leaves us or forsakes us. This disease wasn’t a form of punishment or proof that God wasn’t paying attention to my family. It’s my son’s testimony. Whether God miraculously heals him or it is His will that Wyatt walk out his life with Type one, we dont know. But we do know that God is still good and He still loves us. He has been here with us comforting us the entire time.

So if you find yourself walking through a battle that seems endless, just know that God is with you. He will never forsake you. He loves you and He will walk through the fire beside you. The anchor holds, in spite of the storm!

With All of God’s Blessings,

Stephanie Smith

Change, change, and more change

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My son Wyatt is 8 and he is winning at life with T1D. He conquers every single day like a champion! His math skills are exceptional (better than mine!) thanks to carb counting and correction factors, his faith in God is unshakeable, and his prayer life is out of this world. He knows the power of healing prayer and the power of walking out your personal testimony, no matter the cost, for the glory of God.

When you live with T1D, there is only one thing that is certain, and that is that every single day will be different. What you do one day that worked, will definitely not work the next day. What you ate that day that kept your blood sugar in a good zone, will make you sky rocket tomorrow. Day after day of shots, checks, and corrections lead to burn outs quickly, well for me. He excels in taking every day as a grain of salt. He amazes me! So now, after waiting long enough for his nerves to calm down, he has requested an insulin pump….. (insert anxiety here).

Now don’t get me wrong, I wanted an insulin pump. I’ve researched for the best one for his age, checked all the reviews, asked his diabetic educator her opinions, visited the doctor with questions, and asked my own “diabetic family” their advice. But ultimately, it is his decision. I leave all of these BIG changes up to him because in the long run, he is the one that has to live with and learn to love these devices. However, now that he is ready and his insulin pump has arrived via FedEx, I’m hesitant to schedule the training. Not because of any fixable reason, just because of fear of change. Again. Every time we get adjusted to the new of diabetes, a new ball is thrown into the juggling match that I have to master. It’s overwhelming and stressful and just plain out scary. Right after his diagnosis I left the hospital with the mindset of “Once I get home and do it myself, I’ll be good to go.” And technically that is true; I’m excellent at rolling with the punches.

CONTINUOUS GLUCOSE MONITOR

When we got the new CGM (Continuous glucose monitor) I was all on board for that. It is an amazing device that checks his sugar every 5 minutes 24 hours a day. But let me tell you the shock of seeing how food and drinks mess with a body that has a pancreas that doesn’t produce insulin. It’s insane! I stayed in a panic for at least two weeks. The alarm blared every 5 minutes every night for the first week! It was terrible. What I thought would make diabetes easier, made my life incredibly difficult and I was heart broken. Now a days, its easier, but not by a lot. The alarm haunts my sleep most nights. The roller coaster on the screen of the CGM reader makes me unforgettably aware that I am unfit to replace an organ that God made perfect for a body.

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So now I am at a cross roads of going to finalize this insulin pump set up, or to just keep going with the multiple injections every day. While I know I will eventually get brave and take Wyatt to his training, I think I’ll sit here in the comfort of our “normal” for a little while longer. Until I gather all of my courage and face this newest change, I’ll hold my strong little man a little while longer and pray with him. Pray for strength, courage, and perseverance for me. Pray for painless injections, normal sugar readings, and a steady faith in God for him.

With All of God’s Blessings,

Stephanie Smith

My Life Be Like…

I originally started this blog to give you an insight to my blended family covered in God’s grace. Then, disaster struck and everything came to a crashing halt. So here I am again, trying to start fresh in this newest season of life. So to start off, here is the back story:

When the Wave Crashes

On December 4th of last year, we got the crushing news that our unborn daughter’s heart had stopped beating. After about 5 hours of medically started labor, she was born at 9pm and laid to rest a few days later. Our hearts were broken and our faith shaken. BUT God….He always rescues us. Even when we have to walk in the fire, He stands beside us in it. He spoke to my heart every single day. Comforting my heart, giving me room to be angry at Him, pouring out His love on my family through many people in our community and church. There was an outpouring of grace and mercy from everyone He sent to us.

After Shock

Fast forward 4 months, our family still healing from the loss of a daughter, sister, and so many lost future memories; our son got sick during lunch one day. Not the normal sick, but the kind of sick that turns your skin yellow and makes a hole form in a mother’s stomach. I’m normally a very calm, at home, natural healing momma. But something about the way my little man was looking shocked me to my very core. So off to the emergency room we went. There, in a cold sterile hospital room, we heard the diagnosis of Type One Diabetes for the very first time. Honestly, it was the very first time I had heard of that disease period. From that moment on, our life was turned upside down. There was so much to learn, so much to absorb, and so much was riding on me becoming an expert overnight in this disease. One mistake and it could cost my child his very life. T1D is an overwhelming disease, but we refuse to let it define us. My son is the most amazing little boy. He took his diagnosis so much better than I did. I would lay next to him in bed and cry myself to sleep for nights on end, so scared that if I slept, he would be gone in an instant. But not him. He played, he took his shots, he tested his sugar all without complaint. He calmed my anxieties and Jesus healed my broken heart and shattered faith. So, just as the story goes, we kept marching, and healing, and standing on the promises of God.

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Built On The Rock…Maybe

I wish I could say that through all of those speed bumps of life, that my faith stayed strong and my beliefs undeterred. But, I cant. I struggled with a lot. I argued with God, I almost slipped back into my old sinful habits, I wondered if God really cared for me and my children, and I feared that He was allowing the devil to take out my family one by one. There was so much fear and frustration. So many tears and a whole lot of bitterness. But God never let go of me. He embraced me with the grace to feel all of my emotions. He spoke kindly to me and expressed His love to me daily. He sent people to minister to me and to pray over my family and I.  God’s presence in my life never faltered and He never let up. He poured out all of His spirit on me until I could no longer allow my doubts to overshadow His promises. That’s the God I serve with faith and trust now. I can look back and see the growth of the past year all over my children and my marriage.

So, if you want some insight into T1D, homeschooling, life after loss, breaking chains to addictions, and faith after unbelief, come back next time to check out more of these posts. I plan to pour out God’s word in my blog and hopefully give helpful advice to anyone who needs or wants any! I’ve walked through the fire (more than what’s written in this post) and I’ve come out on the other side stronger and more  transparent than ever before. Lets take on this life together!

 

With All of God’s Blessings,

Stephanie Smith

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